You’re beautiful, you have a nice breath, you have absolute great point of views and each time it comes to communication your easily misunderstood and taken for granted.
Your not taken serious, people misinterpret you
This has quite have a poll to your well being, whether it’s your personal relationships or with fellow workers but you feel like there is a way that people could actually interpret what your trying to communicate to them.
Well this has been a dilemma to so many people and they keep asking on ways ways to improve communication in relationships.
Well if that has been your case sorry from the bottom of my hearth for waiting this long, well the solution is before you just keep on reading and keep notes.
A Quick Insight Into The Meaning Of Communication & Relationship
Communication: Communication is the act of conveying meanings from one entity or group to another through the use of mutually understood signs and semiotic rules source Wikipedia
Relationship: the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.
Having noted the meaning of the above two keywords communication and relationship let’s head off to the reason why communication fails.
Reason For Failure In Communication
There have been points in your life where you have been defensive or felt offended by what your partner said or what your co-worker said, yes it happens all the time. Take for example i get offended when my girlfriend tells me i lust at every lady that passes by with big boobs and that gets me son angry although it might be true but yet i felt offended.
But what do you think causes all these defense in our system well lets hit a bit of science anyway there is what we have on both sides of our brains called amygdala. what does that mean anyway? well There are two amygdalae per person normally, with one amygdala on each side of the brain. They are thought to be a part of the limbic system within the brain, which is responsible for emotions, survival instincts, and memory. … The amygdala in humans also plays a role in sexual activity and libido.
Let’s forget about the libido side naughty you and get the point this organ is actually responsible for emotions , survival instincts like when you see a lion in front of you and all that stuff, but it is also responsible for all the defenses we have. but don’t take it as a bad organ, well defenses during arguments never ends up well and before you know what’s happening the deed has been done, the word has been spoken and everyone is hurt.
But here’s the thing
In order to have a good vibe communication and improve your communication, you must make others feel comfortable talking to you, you have to learn the effective methods to calm their amygdala inorder for both parties to have a good conversation.
Ways To Improve Communication In Relationships
below are 10+ ways to guide you to have proper communication with your partner(which could be a friend, lover, co-worker and so on) in relationships.
1. Let Your Hands Be Visible
Do you know that the first time you meet a person he/she actually looks at your hands? I bet you never knew this, well there is a popular misconception that people actually look at eyes but that’s not true.
Let’s have a quick glance at the words of Vanessa Van Edwards
“The reason for [checking the hands] is because of something we are not consciously aware of, which is when we can’t see someone’s hands the fear part of our amygdala begins to activate.” -Vanessa Van Edwards
so you see that people actually go for the hands in fact that makes them more safer and comfortable with you.
When next you meet a person you can gesture for a handshake or wave, when the conversation is going on avoid putting your hands in your pockets it really makes people feel uncomfortable and seems like your hiding something.
2. Touch Triggers
How does it feel when your having a had time or in a bad mood and someone close to you just responds by saying “sorry” quite blunt i guess! okay take a look at this other situation whereby instead of just saying “sorry” the person gives you an amazing hug. oh my gosh! you’d feel like that person is sharing the problem with you, if your so emotional like my girlfriend or like my sister i bet you’d shed tears: but the point is that one of the ways to improve effective communication in relationships be it mother to child, father to child, partners(lovers) or co-workers per say a touch is an essential key. If it’s someone close a hug is okay, but if the person is not too close and your not comfortable with a hug a handshake is fine too.
3. Don’t Over Complicate! Be Simple
Most times we find out that we don’t get quite well in our relationships due to over complexity of or terms or language of communication, it’s just like let’s say your girlfriend a medical students wants to tell you they had an operation on a dead body in the theater room , instead of simply saying that she begins to include some medical terminologies which you as an engineering student don’t understand and times without number she does that repeatedly, and you begin to find out that your not having good communication with her: But assuming she discuss her surgical operation to you in plain simple language and tells you how scared to bones she was at first but overcame you’d find out that the conversation would go smoothly and more interesting. Key to note is that the way you communicate with co-worker should differ with the way you’d discuss same issue with friend or partner for simplicity sake.
4. Only Interrupt When Necessary.
Let me tell you this , there is an old friend of mine who does this an i am so irritated by it in fact irritated to the core, he does not listen to what your saying but waits for the slightest opportunity to blurt in and gives his own story. well that’s about my friend what about you, if you have similar attitude that you just blurt out and hijack the conversation from another person be it in a group talk or personal talk, just know that that’s not only unfair but a rue thing to do so stop it. Simply allow that person to finish whatever they are saying before you can interrupt, this enhances good communication and relationships.
5. Use Stories To Communicate Better
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Baby am so angry! I had a bad day……. Sorry dear have some rest..
sounds blunt and dry. why not try this, baby could you imagine the the way my boss humiliated me in front of the junior workers calling me in competent and even threatening to fire me , seriously am so fed up and angry right now, what do you think his reply would be? he would be touched you know why? you have used story to bring into explanation why you have a bad day and factors that caused it. so telling stories actually get people to feel what you fell and share the pain.
6. Give Maximum Undivided Attention.
Take for instance you’r having a date with your partner and she’s into this serious girlie type discussion with you and you know how it is with girls and their discussion they expect you to give them keen attention and concentration, involving eye contact, coordinated head nodding and replies but instead of all that your busy replying a buzz from your phone or looking over the next table at the other guy whose girlfriend is putting on a slutty dress and all that stuff. See this single action of divided attention can trigger the amygdala of your partner to either fight you or get away from you. But either way that doesn’t promote a good communication
So What To Do?
Simply keep the phone away
Look at her have eye contact, and imagine how beautiful she is.
This applies to both male and female
7. Kill Small Talks.
“Hey Baby how are you?”
“Am fine and you”
what the hell what type of discussion was that? let me tell you it’s the kind i have with my girlfriend when we are fighting and myself i feel bored at it because i know that we both love long happy talks. Well that’s by the way between me and my girlfriend what about you having that kind of discussion with your partner when your not fighting.
Small type of talks is quite boring because there is always a pattern of answers to it.
But long and interesting conversation are quite fun and the answer partner are not the regular type, this types enables the next person do some brainstorming before answering.
Instead of asking “how are you?” say something like “tell me about your day”
8. Meet Your Partner’s Height Of Excitement.
Imagine your frying meat in the kitchen and your partner comes back all excited and wants to share something with you and you like- Baby”could you hold up a bit so we don’t burn the house with this stuff and frying” after the frying on the dinning table and your like – Baby you wanted to tell me something and he/S was like it’s no big deal I just got promoted at work.
But Check out another situation when He/S comes back fully excited and you turn of the cooker on which your frying meat and your like “baby am all ears tell me what happened”? and he/S shouted and jumps on you and told you that they got promoted and you give a scream of happiness and you hug kiss and the happiness ends up with a great s*x wow! how does it feels ( anyway sorry for the asterics (*)
So you see now that the second instance is more preferable.
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9. Try To Note How Your Partner Feels Appreciated.
A look into the 5 love language which is words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, touch and quality time. apart from it being the love languages it is also a form of appreciation.
Let me give you an instance of my girlfriend i noticed that although she loved gifts but she loved me giving her quality time most especially hey! – not that kind of quality time your thinking, the normal one. So one day when i needed the assistance of a secretary to show a client that am real in a business and win his trust and thinking and racking my brain , I couldn’t find someone do fix in that position and i was like what of Samantha besides she’s been attending some conference and seminars on communication with client and sales techniques , so beckon on her an asked for her assistance to meet with the client in a Pub restaurant , the deal was struck and i made money.
So i thought of how to appreciate her, after thinking for a while although i got her a gift but on a day i was suppose to go out , I had already gone out leaving her with that look on her face , so i came back and announced that i had book a hotel room that’s where we would spend the day. she so much appreciated that even till today.
Hope i got you thinking so follow that technique look for the one your partner loves most.
10. Make Your Partner Feel It’s Okay To Have A Moment Of Emotions.
Emotions are constant thing and everyone has their moment of emotion, even me that won’t cry when i see a dead person but that does not mean am not sad , so if your in my shoes that grew up believing that crying is a sign of weakness better change that because it’s going to cause troubles in your relationships.
Men cry and women cry so take it like that so i have changed my mindset and whenever my babe starts crying i just cuddle her and tell her to remember i love her and it’s okay.
Cultivate A Safe Environment For Better Communication
Whenever you’r feeling insecure with the person your having a conversation with , you end up having a defensive conversation because your feeling insecure.
So at the end of the day the goal to effective conversation or per say communication is safe environment or space.
so all the steps and techniques listed above wont be effective if you don’t have a safe space between you and the person your having a conversation with.
So go ahead and try all the step and i wish you good luck to effective communication
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